Every Step addresses ýour readers´ questions on a wide range of parenting issues, from health to finance to psychology.
Answers are provided by a team of experts including; John Sharry, Family and Child Psychotherapist, Anne Sidnell, Nutritionist, Susan Mac Nicholas, Midwife and Antenatal Educator and John Lowe, Financial Advisor. The column is sponsored by SMA Nutrition.
Sample: Your parenting questions answered
Catherine asks:
I am a new mother. My mother-in-law comes to visit most days and I find her a bit overbearing with advice etc. How should I talk to her about this?
John Sharry answers:
This is a delicate conversation to get right. It helps to start with the positives. For example, tell your mother-in-law how much you appreciate the support she is offering and that you are glad she takes such an interest in your baby.
Then say what you would like to be different. Be specific. For example, you could say you looking to establish your own routine with the baby and are hoping she could visit only on certain days. On the other hand, it may be best not to raise the subject directly at all, but simply suggest changes to the daily arrangements.
For example, rather than having your mother-in-law visit, why not suggest you visit her so you are in control of how long the visit is. Or why not consider letting her mind your baby regularly for a few hours while you go out, which gives you a break and her time to be a grandmother in her own right (without having to directly give you advice!). Finally, do talk the matter through with your husband who might know the most sensitive way to deal with his own mother.
Lorna asks:
I have just started to wean my baby but now she is refusing to drink milk. Is this unusual and are there ways to reintroduce it to her diet as I am conscious that milk is crucial for her at this age?
Anne Sidnell answers:
Many babies do reduce their milk intake quite considerably once weaning starts. Between six to twelve months, babies should have about a pint of milk per day. If breastfed, babies will gradually reduce the number of times they want to feed, as they get more interested in solid foods.
If having formula, babies should continue to receive about 500-600 ml per day in addition to a varied weaning diet. Cows’ milk is not suitable as a drink until 12 months of age because it is low in important nutrients, especially iron. Suitable formulas at this age are first milks such as SMA First Infant Milk and follow-on milk such as SMA Follow-on Milk
Milk provides a variety of important nutrients, such as calcium and B vitamins, and these can be supplied by other dairy foods if your baby really reduces the amount of milk feeds they take. Once weaning is established and they are having three meals a da,y they should be getting at least 2-3 servings of dairy products a day, e.g. yoghurt, fromage frais and cheese.
There are plenty of ways you can incorporate milk into your baby’s diet. For example, you can;
• Make white or cheese sauces for pasta
• Add milk and cheese to mashed potato
• Use soft cheese as a spread in sandwiches
• Put milk and cheese into scrambled eggs and omelettes
• Use milk in pancakes and baked custards
• Make milkshakes with added yogurt
• Freeze yoghurts into lollies
Maggie asks:
Both my mother and my sister suffered from postnatal depression (PND). I am due my baby in October and am really concerned that it is genetic. If I do get PND, what are the best ways to deal with its effects?
Susan Mac Nicholas answers:
PND is not necessarily genetic. It can be triggered by a number of things. Women who have a history of depression or have suffered a difficult pregnancy or birth are particularly vulnerable.
If the mother or baby is suffering health problems, this can also be a factor. Social circumstances have also become an issue in certain cases where long distances from family and friends exist, so look for support from people you know and love after your birth.
PND can occur anytime but usually starts from four to six weeks post-natally and can last up to six months. The sooner it is diagnosed and treated, the quicker it can be resolved. Signs can include extreme tiredness, lethargy, difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite, antisocial behaviour, becoming withdrawn, paranoia, lack of confidence, crying a lot, and in extreme cases feelings of hatred and despair towards oneself and maybe even towards the baby.
Should you have any of these symptoms for a period longer than a few days, please see your GP or hospital doctor. Do not be ashamed – instances of PND are rising and the condition currently affects between 10% and 15% of all mothers. Remember it is not your fault and there is help out there.
Research now suggests that a pure Omega 3 supplement, taken during pregnancy, can help reduce the risk of PND. Further info is available from www.pnd.ie or www.hse.ie
Terry asks:
We have two children, aged two and a half and six months. I am due to go back to work and don’t know if it is worth my while with all the child-minding fees. It is costing us nearly €1,000 a month. Help?
John Lowe answers:
Very difficult choice and really only the mother can make this decision. For those who would like to return to work, but have to watch the pennies, you could consider an au pair.
The only draw-back to this, while considerably cheaper and potentially less disruptive for your children, is the intrusion of another adult in your home.
Do not also forget that should you consider staying at home, you could mind up to four more children and receive up to €15,000 tax-free each year.
While there are many conditions governing this legislation – Childcare Act 1991, which is interpreted by the Childcare (Pre-School Services) Regulations 2006 – it is definitely worth checking out.